Have you ever been in a toxic relationship?
In my case, it led me to immoral behaviors and being rebellious. Satan convinced me the counterfeit was my answer.
This relationship turned me into a woman full of doubt, unbelief, and confusion. Yet, this was not the starting point of my relationship with God.
5 years ago, I came to Christ and it was absolute paradise. Jesus and I were in sync. In Him, and his voice, I found confidence and guidance. Until I got involved with someone who I thought God sent, whom I thought was a man of God.
This man knew the Word so well, and prayed, that made me forfeit my walk because I thought he knew better. He was more spiritual and stronger than me. Yet, it was a relationship full of emotional and spiritual abuse which led me to isolate myself from family, friends, my church home and then ultimately from God.
This person, this relationship, became my God.
I became co-dependent and completely lost myself trying to become what he wanted me to be, someone God never intended.
What To Do When God’s Voice Goes Quiet?
At some point, I turned from being a woman who was so in tune with Jesus and His spirit to a woman full of doubt, unbelief, and confusion.
I found myself back struggling with the same things God originally delivered me from… depression, feelings of worthlessness, and insecurities. God’s voice went quieter and quieter because I started to believe in the lies of the enemy.
Eventually, the relationship ended and I contemplated suicide and rebelled against Godly authority and those who tried to help me. The enemy had me convinced God was wrong and he was right.
Life seemed to have no point. I stopped living and had a hard time being there for my son. I was barely surviving.
The enemy had me so convinced this person was God’s best for me that I tried everything to hold on. It literally destroyed me. This was affecting my job and everything I held dear.
“The thief only comes to kill, steal, and destroy.” John 10:10
After being exposed to the control and abuse, I found myself doing the exact same thing. I was controlling this man, both emotionally and verbally. But, thank God, I have been walking out my healing and freedom, becoming free to be who God has called me to be.
God came through and exposed the enemy for what he really was and shined a light in my darkness. He left the 99 to run after me, the 1, His prodigal daughter. Jesus gently restored me and called me His again. I have sought help and am continuing to walk out my healing to break free from so much darkness.
Had God not allow my spiritual death, even after being saved, my intimacy with Him would not be where it is today, deeper and more profound.
“We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
Taking up my cross to follow Him, has taken on a whole new meaning for me. Dropping everything I hold dear for Him, I have learned has been worth it because nothing and no one has fulfilled me more than Jesus.
I was spiritually dead and He brought me back to life.
By Violeta Maycotte
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